whimsical little smile

I usually love emoticons. But there is one smile I really like to have that they so cannot capture. I don't even have a name for this expression. It's like a small smile (but it really is a smile) and a little frown (but it's not an upset frown; it's a thinking frown)...and a little "he he" laugh from deep inside all combined. And we have three separate emoticons to capture each of these expressions but none that combine it. It is a smile nuanced by a thoughtful frown and a mirthful AND sarcastic laugh. It expresses "I know exactly what you mean" and "I just don't know," simultaneously. It captures the beautiful ironies, paradoxes, and oxymoronity of life.

Either you understand or you have a big headache.

I think my personality changes from time to time. Or rather, the expression of my personality. I don't think I have MPD, but I do notice I feel and sound different from week to week.

I deleted my Facebook profile picture today. I feel very ambiguous. I think I could either laugh or cry, and I think I have everything figured out and nothing figured out. There is nothing wrong in particular. Nothing right in particular either. I'm just going through thinking-hard stretch of road. And this means I figure a lot of things out, and the more I figure things out the more I realize how much I don't have figured out.

It is a wonderful feeling. Maybe it should be called a finite feeling infinite. Which is much more fun than an infinite feeling finite - which is also sometimes what I am.

And now I have a question: Does anyone know how to stop a mind from working or at least slow it down? Because I am finite and a little tired and kind of need a break right now. Insert: [whimsical little smile]