sometimes i just need a break from thinking

Yesterday was a thinking-hard day. I thought and thought and thought about stuff - about people and personality types and how all that fits together, about various schools of thought in theology. I spend lots of time just trying to comprehend. And then I was getting overwhelmed, and I realized I needed a break from all these frames of thought. I needed to just remember who I am, who God is. To return to how things initially were in Eden for a moment, away from knowledge and and the search for knowledge. To just be me, and let God be God. A friend sent me the song "God is God" by Steven Curtis Chapman last year. I've listened to it so many times I can play the whole thing on the piano; I can hear it in my head whenever I want, with the awesome background instruments. Whenever I listen to that song, I feel like I'm standing in an endless black void of space - standing still, but it feels like dancing too - and just looking up and feeling the greatness above me, around me. I just feel my smallness. And the great void spreading out from me. And it actually doesn't feel frustratingly limited, but right and good and fulfilling.

I just have to share some of my most favorite lyrics ever:

God is God - Steven Curtis Chapman

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know

And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone


Through my conversation with another friend (how many friends have I mentioned so far, lol - but gotta give credit where credit is due, lol), I came to realize that so many of the complicated wordings by philosophical greats are simply an elaborate attempt to dance around the one greatest Thing, the only Thing that matters, the one Thing that cannot be avoided because it permeates all - God. He is the sense in a life that doesn't make sense.