Wow, God really works in amazing ways, in places we may be completely unaware of...we leave, hopeless - come back - to hope. I see this in so many places. It is a reminder: Never lose hope.
God is merciful.
I think I am having an epiphany - about logic and life, the world and wildness...more on that later.
Today Ike and I came up with some new verses to a very familiar song...it was FUN to sing!
This is the day, this is the day
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice
And be glad in it, and be glad in it
This is the day that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it
This is the day, this is the day
That the Lord has made
You are the one, you are the one
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice
And be glad in you, and be glad in you
You are the one that the Lord has made,
We will rejoice and be glad in you
You are the one, you are the one
That the Lord has made
I am the one, I am the one
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
I will rejoice, I will rejoice
And be glad in me, and be glad in me
I am the one that the Lord has made,
I will rejoice and be glad in me
I am the one, I am the one
That the Lord has made
He is the one, she is the one
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice
And be glad in them, and be glad in them
They are the ones that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in them
He is the one, she is the one
That the Lord has made
This is the world, this is the world
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice
And take care of it, and take care of it
This is the earth that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and take care of it
This is the world, this is the world
That the Lord has made
This is the night, this is the night
That the Lord has made, that the Lord has made
We will rejoice, we will rejoice
And be glad in it, and be glad in it
This is the night that the Lord has made
We will rejoice and be glad in it
This is the night, this is the night
That the Lord has made
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
I feel so strange...in some sort of limbo? It's like in between... So it's a really long weekend. It is Good Friday and Easter. I am home with my family. And there are political protests at strategic intersections (the biggest one was not far from where I live)...it's Thai summer but it rains in thunderstorms every day (the sky is dark) - Monday starts the Thai New Year's and water festival... It seems like everything should be bright and happy - and it is, but also feeling kind of topsy-turvy... interesting. :-)
Friday, April 10, 2009
I have to be confident in Jesus, and to trust Him - when there is turmoil all around, and life is uncertain:
Think of Peter, walking on the waves - and Jesus, calling to Him - as long as he kept his eyes on his Saviour, he could walk on water
- and so can we...we can walk on tossing and turning waves, if we fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.
How funny - it is all coming together, about faith...
...how merciful God is, to give us so many pictures we can see, from the Gospels, in Jesus.
I can say this - but I know - I am nowhere near perfection...I am yet so helpless - and fickle, at times. And it's been so long - I pray this doesn't go away. God has slowly been building me back up - from a life that had fallen apart...and faith worn thin, held onto by determination only. I had lost sight.
There is one thing that always helps me to remember: No pride.
I think I may have been too prideful, in the past, to truly rely on Jesus - so that I could say, what I am, I am because of Jesus. I think I am still a bit too prideful. But God is showing me now.
I just pray He will give me strength whenever things are hard, and I can't bear them on my own. (I have to trust that He will.)
Today is Good Friday.
Think of Peter, walking on the waves - and Jesus, calling to Him - as long as he kept his eyes on his Saviour, he could walk on water
- and so can we...we can walk on tossing and turning waves, if we fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith.
How funny - it is all coming together, about faith...
...how merciful God is, to give us so many pictures we can see, from the Gospels, in Jesus.
I can say this - but I know - I am nowhere near perfection...I am yet so helpless - and fickle, at times. And it's been so long - I pray this doesn't go away. God has slowly been building me back up - from a life that had fallen apart...and faith worn thin, held onto by determination only. I had lost sight.
There is one thing that always helps me to remember: No pride.
I think I may have been too prideful, in the past, to truly rely on Jesus - so that I could say, what I am, I am because of Jesus. I think I am still a bit too prideful. But God is showing me now.
I just pray He will give me strength whenever things are hard, and I can't bear them on my own. (I have to trust that He will.)
Today is Good Friday.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
It would be so nice if I could get home from work by 5:00 PM everyday. Especially with the longer daylight of summer days, it feels almost like a holiday.
I feel really lonely. I don't like the unrest...the red and yellow...the red looks scary.
My family is home on the other side of town and my roommate just left to visit her family in another province for Thai New Year's. When there's political unrest in the city it's not really fun being all alone - somehow I really miss everyone.
I feel really lonely. I don't like the unrest...the red and yellow...the red looks scary.
My family is home on the other side of town and my roommate just left to visit her family in another province for Thai New Year's. When there's political unrest in the city it's not really fun being all alone - somehow I really miss everyone.
I feel so terrible...there are a bunch of little things that people ask me to do here and there sometimes, and I haven't been doing them. They've been slipping through the cracks...between work, between trying to have down time and trying to do good stuff and connect with people...:'| I feel really, really bad about this...sometimes, when I'm really tired - I just block out everything else and I don't think about the consequences of not doing stuff - even if I already said I would do it...and I think this will damage my relationships with people. :(
Feeling bad doesn't make things better though.
:'| :'| :"|
Feeling bad doesn't make things better though.
:'| :'| :"|
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Things i need
shoes (i keep wearing out my shoes, very fast...i guess i walk too fast)
more food to eat (i just don't get myself enough food)
more food to eat (i just don't get myself enough food)
I would like to lie down and sleep for 10,000 years. What's hard is that I can't tell what is reality and what is not, because reality is flawed by people perceptions. This is all we have to go by...yours and mine -
- isn't that amazing? it's so strange. i don't think this means that we create realities, but more that our interACTION with reality matters and has an impact. We have to interACT with reality to LIVE. it's how to survive.
- isn't that amazing? it's so strange. i don't think this means that we create realities, but more that our interACTION with reality matters and has an impact. We have to interACT with reality to LIVE. it's how to survive.
Friday, April 3, 2009
read Hebrews 11 first...
Hebrews 12
God Disciplines His Sons
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Warning Against Refusing God
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.
18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]
22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.
25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."[f
God Disciplines His Sons
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."[a]
7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13"Make level paths for your feet,"[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Warning Against Refusing God
14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. He could bring about no change of mind, though he sought the blessing with tears.
18You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; 19to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, 20because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned."[c] 21The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."[d]
22But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, 23to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, 24to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.
25See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? 26At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens."[e] 27The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.
28Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, 29for our "God is a consuming fire."[f
Dance class, work done, long weekend, clean room...
...what more could you ask for? (Lots :D but I feel soooooo happy right now...)
I can be a complete neurotic at times. :P
I have to do things that are not routine to get myself in touch with the world...otherwise I kind of zone out and live only in my mind...I have to do things that force myself to interact with the world...
dance is what i've wanted to do all my life
dance is amazing - just that something so much fun...can be so good for you!
on stifling?
on waking up
I would like to posit that men are much more sensitive than women. However, men and women deal with their feelings very differently...
I love art, music...so why am I working with computers? They feel so dead. :P
I am SO grateful to be done with work...I really zone out during the week...I keep going, "Weekend again, already?" Lol.
i like even numbers
i hate loud noises
on Hebrews 12
Dance...is AMAZING. It is the most beautiful blend of concreteness and abstraction...
I am an optimist...
How to lose weight - burn more than you eat, for a long, long time
--> fact: i need to eat more...
Andy: "Grace is the needed element for dance."
Exercise is so good.
I am feeling blessed.
Some current favs: (3) (1)
But I prefer even numbers.
I'm' guessing it's time to rest up now...and it's going to feel so good...:)
...what more could you ask for? (Lots :D but I feel soooooo happy right now...)
I can be a complete neurotic at times. :P
I have to do things that are not routine to get myself in touch with the world...otherwise I kind of zone out and live only in my mind...I have to do things that force myself to interact with the world...
dance is what i've wanted to do all my life
dance is amazing - just that something so much fun...can be so good for you!
on stifling?
on waking up
I would like to posit that men are much more sensitive than women. However, men and women deal with their feelings very differently...
I love art, music...so why am I working with computers? They feel so dead. :P
I am SO grateful to be done with work...I really zone out during the week...I keep going, "Weekend again, already?" Lol.
i like even numbers
i hate loud noises
on Hebrews 12
Dance...is AMAZING. It is the most beautiful blend of concreteness and abstraction...
I am an optimist...
How to lose weight - burn more than you eat, for a long, long time
--> fact: i need to eat more...
Andy: "Grace is the needed element for dance."
Exercise is so good.
I am feeling blessed.
Some current favs: (3) (1)
But I prefer even numbers.
I'm' guessing it's time to rest up now...and it's going to feel so good...:)
Thursday, April 2, 2009
I am zoning out...just...shutting everything out, at the moment. I am really tired.
I don't think I ate enough today. Between starting to get more exercise, and all the brain-expenditures at work...argh :| ...I am really hungry. I don't know how I ate so little for so long.
Today I asked a girl at ladies' shoe shop if they had any ballroom dance shoes (in Thai). It took her a moment to guess what I was saying. When she figured it out, she looked at me as if I came from Pluto (exactly - Pluto is not even a planet [ha, ha, ha])... I think people should treat their customers better than that. At first I was planning to look at non-ballroom dance shoes as well, but I really didn't feel like it after that. Lol!
I don't think I ate enough today. Between starting to get more exercise, and all the brain-expenditures at work...argh :| ...I am really hungry. I don't know how I ate so little for so long.
Today I asked a girl at ladies' shoe shop if they had any ballroom dance shoes (in Thai). It took her a moment to guess what I was saying. When she figured it out, she looked at me as if I came from Pluto (exactly - Pluto is not even a planet [ha, ha, ha])... I think people should treat their customers better than that. At first I was planning to look at non-ballroom dance shoes as well, but I really didn't feel like it after that. Lol!
Uh...the rational kicking in. Can't figure it out anymore.
Home, sweet home!
So grateful for cool weather!
I am very intuitive...
The shirt i needed for 40 baht? this is God's kindness to me!!
But he who asks must believe and not doubt...
Flowers like sugar.
I feel discouraged, but not depressed - this is very positive.
Amused by people in love.
A Facebook application had an invitation to join the mafia with a friend..something's definitely wrong with this, especially since in real life she manages finances.
So I am seeing Obama t-shirts for sale on the streetside downtown Bangkok - "PROGRESS" + Obama portrait contour-style - the vendors are fast...maybe someone should take advantage of this.
Love...is free. How amazing is it...that love - something so precious - can't be bought...
I didn't play any April Fool's this year. I rather wish some things in my life would turn out to be part of April Fool's...
People's Facebook walls have different tones...reflects them.
Sometime - ask me about the SOC files.
Oh - and my random people files...coming soon.
Lastly - about Thai food sharing - Thai people are amazing at it. They build community over a piece of cake...a McDonald's burger...a Thai papaya salad...
It could be a big bag of chips,
Or an expensive dessert - a bite for everyone...
A bag of fruit...
Sticky rice and pork on a stick...
They are an amazing example to me...this is something I wish I could emulate - because their sharing is so genuine...no holding back. To them, it's impolite not to share something you're eating...I think because they would so totally share whatever they had in their hands at the moment.
...I love that they share what they have with such confidence. I always think too hard about what I buy - whether it tastes good, whether it would be imposing on them to offer them something to eat when they might not want to eat it, etc.
I need this pure, isolated, natural sharing.
It makes me think of how we as Christians are supposed to give - give all we can give willingly, from the heart, no holding back - inside, or outside.
Home, sweet home!
So grateful for cool weather!
I am very intuitive...
The shirt i needed for 40 baht? this is God's kindness to me!!
But he who asks must believe and not doubt...
Flowers like sugar.
I feel discouraged, but not depressed - this is very positive.
Amused by people in love.
A Facebook application had an invitation to join the mafia with a friend..something's definitely wrong with this, especially since in real life she manages finances.
So I am seeing Obama t-shirts for sale on the streetside downtown Bangkok - "PROGRESS" + Obama portrait contour-style - the vendors are fast...maybe someone should take advantage of this.
Love...is free. How amazing is it...that love - something so precious - can't be bought...
I didn't play any April Fool's this year. I rather wish some things in my life would turn out to be part of April Fool's...
People's Facebook walls have different tones...reflects them.
Sometime - ask me about the SOC files.
Oh - and my random people files...coming soon.
Lastly - about Thai food sharing - Thai people are amazing at it. They build community over a piece of cake...a McDonald's burger...a Thai papaya salad...
It could be a big bag of chips,
Or an expensive dessert - a bite for everyone...
A bag of fruit...
Sticky rice and pork on a stick...
They are an amazing example to me...this is something I wish I could emulate - because their sharing is so genuine...no holding back. To them, it's impolite not to share something you're eating...I think because they would so totally share whatever they had in their hands at the moment.
...I love that they share what they have with such confidence. I always think too hard about what I buy - whether it tastes good, whether it would be imposing on them to offer them something to eat when they might not want to eat it, etc.
I need this pure, isolated, natural sharing.
It makes me think of how we as Christians are supposed to give - give all we can give willingly, from the heart, no holding back - inside, or outside.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
How grateful I am for water to drink! It is so hot, and it was so hot walking home...
But it felt so good today - amazing...:D
So: random stream of conscious walking home:
I have a REALLY hard time making decisions.
I like to walk around grinning at thin air (aka invisible thoughts (= really random stuff)).
I am learning to consistently buy food to eat/eat when I feel hungry (because I can <-- why doesn't this occur to me more often? I did not grow up starving at all!).
I'm learning not to stress at work.
I'm learning...so many things.
Life is...okay! Not bad...lol.
I decided I need to learn to be Thai in the food-sharing aspect. My brother and I came up with this formula:
Lesson number one on how to be Thai: The Food Sharing Formula
A) Buy a lot of something really unhealthy and really GOOD-tasting
B) Walk up to your friends and urge them to eat it. If they refuse, put a piece in their hands and walk away.
C) Leave them to digest it (and eventually eat it)...you're doing it for their good...because once they put it in their mouths, they will find out how good it tastes.
D) Good feelings all around - you are more blessed to give than to receive; your friends have their hunger satiated in whatever way.
It's a really cool cultural trait I have not picked up on well enough...:D It's an art...some people are really good at it.
Also you have to know when to accept and when to refuse. This is a part of relationship-building...and bonding. Bonding over food is very Thai.
But it felt so good today - amazing...:D
So: random stream of conscious walking home:
I have a REALLY hard time making decisions.
I like to walk around grinning at thin air (aka invisible thoughts (= really random stuff)).
I am learning to consistently buy food to eat/eat when I feel hungry (because I can <-- why doesn't this occur to me more often? I did not grow up starving at all!).
I'm learning not to stress at work.
I'm learning...so many things.
Life is...okay! Not bad...lol.
I decided I need to learn to be Thai in the food-sharing aspect. My brother and I came up with this formula:
Lesson number one on how to be Thai: The Food Sharing Formula
A) Buy a lot of something really unhealthy and really GOOD-tasting
B) Walk up to your friends and urge them to eat it. If they refuse, put a piece in their hands and walk away.
C) Leave them to digest it (and eventually eat it)...you're doing it for their good...because once they put it in their mouths, they will find out how good it tastes.
D) Good feelings all around - you are more blessed to give than to receive; your friends have their hunger satiated in whatever way.
It's a really cool cultural trait I have not picked up on well enough...:D It's an art...some people are really good at it.
Also you have to know when to accept and when to refuse. This is a part of relationship-building...and bonding. Bonding over food is very Thai.
Monday, March 30, 2009
I find it amusing that I come here and blog what - thousands of words? And earlier this evening I was totally tongue-tied at the hairdresser's...where I was getting my hair done. Sometimes I can't think of anything to say. :P The questions I can think of are too serious...and deep reflections are out of place. :D Thankfully I know people I can talk with...laugh with...even talk on and on with...:)
It's the peaceful time of night again, right before bed...when people are preparing to turn in. I like this time. The world feels the most peaceful then. Other times, there's a lot of noise and the air feels more chaotic...I like stillness. I feel more at peace then.
Funny...I have a hard time stopping with the posts. But I guess I have to go get my laundry. Get to bed. Fall asleep in my nice 75% cleaned-up room....:) And go to work again tomorrow.
On work days...I get so worn out. I can't think of anything to post after work, very much.
It's the peaceful time of night again, right before bed...when people are preparing to turn in. I like this time. The world feels the most peaceful then. Other times, there's a lot of noise and the air feels more chaotic...I like stillness. I feel more at peace then.
Funny...I have a hard time stopping with the posts. But I guess I have to go get my laundry. Get to bed. Fall asleep in my nice 75% cleaned-up room....:) And go to work again tomorrow.
On work days...I get so worn out. I can't think of anything to post after work, very much.
I get a lot of hunches, and they often turn out to be true. I need to learn to believe my hunches more.
So I started reading a really interesting book today called "The Spiritual Brain" by Mario Beauregard, Ph.D., and Denyse O'Leary. It's one of those books I saw at the bookstore and was interested in, then later actually bought...(!) It's funny; I put it on my Facebook list of books I wanted to read in the books application, but I didn't think I'd actually get it - it was like 850 baht at the bookstore here, but when my mom got us books from Amazon for Christmas I requested this one (it was $10 there, which is like 350 baht, only :D).
Anyhow. I didn't read it until now. I guess I have to be in a pretty relaxed mood to enjoy a book...nowadays...I don't know what's changed; I used to read so much - now...maybe life is just so stressful.
Anyhow - this is a book right down my line...scientific, but not too scientific - in that the authors are not 'materialists' - they don't believe that science is limited to the material. (Seriously - materialism, in the scientific sense...I don't understand - how can people still believe that? What about the string theory in physics, which is supposed to imply myriad dimensions? It makes me wonder...maybe sometimes people just want to stick to dust! And it's scary when they do...like - the idea of making a human-ape hybrid? I can't put into words how insane this is...that came up in the book I was reading - but not because the authors supported the idea - it was referenced and evaluated.)
Also it addresses the mystical. I love the idea that science and the mystical can coexist - and not mutually exclude each other or make the other less in some way...(just like predestination and free will? :o)) I love the 'both' answers...
Anyhow. This is the third paragraph that begins with 'anyhow.' Um.
Okay: I wanted to quote the book: "The brain, however, is not the mind; it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe." (intro, pp. xi) Wow - "...it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe..." I had never thought about it that way. I think that is so well put, and I love that thought. And I take it one step further - to think that God created an organ suitable for connecting a mind (the mind is not the brain!) to the rest of the universe...and that He gave us, each one of us a mind - just, wow.
I think that in thought, being reasonable is a huge thing. Of course, you say. That's so obvious it sounds ridiculous. Haha...I think some people use reason in their thought, but they are not reasonable, or open to reasoning. Think about it... :D
This reminds me of the beauty of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool. If you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken." To imagine - to reason together is a beautiful thing - how much more so that the Lord calls us to reason with Him!
Anyhow. I never read for that long nowadays...somehow one or two significant thoughts is already a lot to chew on. I need to start finishing books again...not just reading the first chapter and going, "Wow...what an amazing book!!" And then never picking it up again. :D :D
I really need to eat more. I think I've gotten used to being hungry...I'm not intentionally starving myself. It's just - sometimes I sit down to eat and then I'm shocked at how hungry I am and how I seem to be able to keep eating. There's just so many foods that are bad for you...there are so many things I had to quit eating because they made me feel sick, when my health just deteriorated a couple years ago - so I am so careful now...but it's frustrating - to walk in the grocery store and look at labels and realize that sugar is the second greatest ingredient in most everything...:P Anyhow - it makes food taste really good...when you find something good that you can eat without feeling sick! :D
Anyhow. I will now end this 'anyhow' post.
So I started reading a really interesting book today called "The Spiritual Brain" by Mario Beauregard, Ph.D., and Denyse O'Leary. It's one of those books I saw at the bookstore and was interested in, then later actually bought...(!) It's funny; I put it on my Facebook list of books I wanted to read in the books application, but I didn't think I'd actually get it - it was like 850 baht at the bookstore here, but when my mom got us books from Amazon for Christmas I requested this one (it was $10 there, which is like 350 baht, only :D).
Anyhow. I didn't read it until now. I guess I have to be in a pretty relaxed mood to enjoy a book...nowadays...I don't know what's changed; I used to read so much - now...maybe life is just so stressful.
Anyhow - this is a book right down my line...scientific, but not too scientific - in that the authors are not 'materialists' - they don't believe that science is limited to the material. (Seriously - materialism, in the scientific sense...I don't understand - how can people still believe that? What about the string theory in physics, which is supposed to imply myriad dimensions? It makes me wonder...maybe sometimes people just want to stick to dust! And it's scary when they do...like - the idea of making a human-ape hybrid? I can't put into words how insane this is...that came up in the book I was reading - but not because the authors supported the idea - it was referenced and evaluated.)
Also it addresses the mystical. I love the idea that science and the mystical can coexist - and not mutually exclude each other or make the other less in some way...(just like predestination and free will? :o)) I love the 'both' answers...
Anyhow. This is the third paragraph that begins with 'anyhow.' Um.
Okay: I wanted to quote the book: "The brain, however, is not the mind; it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe." (intro, pp. xi) Wow - "...it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe..." I had never thought about it that way. I think that is so well put, and I love that thought. And I take it one step further - to think that God created an organ suitable for connecting a mind (the mind is not the brain!) to the rest of the universe...and that He gave us, each one of us a mind - just, wow.
I think that in thought, being reasonable is a huge thing. Of course, you say. That's so obvious it sounds ridiculous. Haha...I think some people use reason in their thought, but they are not reasonable, or open to reasoning. Think about it... :D
This reminds me of the beauty of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool. If you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken." To imagine - to reason together is a beautiful thing - how much more so that the Lord calls us to reason with Him!
Anyhow. I never read for that long nowadays...somehow one or two significant thoughts is already a lot to chew on. I need to start finishing books again...not just reading the first chapter and going, "Wow...what an amazing book!!" And then never picking it up again. :D :D
I really need to eat more. I think I've gotten used to being hungry...I'm not intentionally starving myself. It's just - sometimes I sit down to eat and then I'm shocked at how hungry I am and how I seem to be able to keep eating. There's just so many foods that are bad for you...there are so many things I had to quit eating because they made me feel sick, when my health just deteriorated a couple years ago - so I am so careful now...but it's frustrating - to walk in the grocery store and look at labels and realize that sugar is the second greatest ingredient in most everything...:P Anyhow - it makes food taste really good...when you find something good that you can eat without feeling sick! :D
Anyhow. I will now end this 'anyhow' post.
So I took the day off from work today. March is an extra long month (31 days) and for my office it doesn't have any holidays. I felt sick this weekend and I didn't get anything done and I woke up still feeling sick...:| I had planned to work half a day but my coworker said today there wouldn't be a lot of work and suggested I take the whole day off. I decided I would try and get rested up fully.
It turned out to be a really good day. I used it to 'get my life back together again' - as in: pay my phone bill, spring clean my room, do laundry, etc. It felt sooooooo good... FACT: My job is tiring for me...and I always come home so tired in the evenings - and sometimes I feel like life never lets up, and then I get this feeling my life is falling apart - sometimes I really need a break. :P I would suggest the three-day weekend, once a month, or else the 4.5 day workweek, all month...:D
Sometimes one weekend doesn't seem to be enough time to get rested up. But taking one day of sick leave only in one month is pretty good for me...it means my health is getting a lot better. (!)
The weather is sooo hot...sometimes I don't know if I feel sick or it's just so hot I can't tell. :P
Oh - and I went grocery shopping for the first time in so long, today. I decided that I actually need to have stuff on hand to eat...sometimes I don't mind starving if I don't want to walk out to find something to eat, but I decided I need to eat more. (haha)
So this evening I had dinner at a small shop at the front of my soi. It's a "ran aharn tam sung" - food made to order restaurant, but they do have their own menu and it's pretty creative - they have the typical Thai 'food made to order dishes' like stir fry or omelettes, but with a creative twist: for example, I had tom yum with macaroni tonight...kind of like a Thai chicken-noodle soup. That was the first time I'd had it...it was actually pretty good. Besides fitting what I was in the mood for at the moment, I was pleasantly surprised that macaroni and shrimp tom yum could go together okay. I'm not a huge tom yum fan, like some people...I can eat it, but I'm not crazy about it...but I actually like it better with macaroni in it. :D
When you order 'food made to order' - usually you have three options with meat - chicken, pork, or shrimp (and some places have beef...but not so many, because most Chinese people don't eat beef)...I like shrimp best, then chicken, but not pork...and beef is okay. So tonight I picked shrimp..the funny thing about ordering shrimp is that if you order shrimp, you count how many they give you...you don't do that with chicken or pork. :D I didn't count, but some people do. :D
I was sitting in the restaurant and observing that the TV wasn't on, like usual...but tonight they had a small stereo set, and a CD of American romantic pop music going...which I thought was actually a pretty smart move for the restaurant - everything else was the same - the tile floor, the tables with plastic 'Pepsi' tablecloths, plastic chairs, etc - it is cleaner than most shops on the side of the street, but not spectacular...it has AC, which is cool (haha)...but with the music, rather than the TV going, the whole atmosphere changed. A cheap but effective improvement...the people eating seemed to exude a different aura - more peaceful, and relaxed. I recommend finding good music to turn on at your restaurant, or wherever you would like to create a good atmosphere. FACT: It's much better than kind of blankly staring at the TV over a meal. You focus more on the food and the people around you with good music...:D
So I guess this is pretty much the end of my day.
I'll gather the laundry from outside - whatever is dry...I think some will be; it was so hot today.
One thing that bugs me is that I've been so scatterbrained lately - about the people I want to keep up with, about the random random stuff people have asked me to do here and there, at work ...I can't seem to remember the stuff I need to do. I feel kind of disconnected...I think I'm just tired. The first few months at my new job were so stressful. Seriously. They were hiring other new (young) people my age...and these people had to work to keep themselves busy. I had to work just to stay on top of all I had to do. Just now it is slowing down...but that took a lot out of me. :P When life gets to be too much I guess sometimes you just zone out...
I don't like being forgetful. :P And I want to remember all the people I want to talk to...
Writing all this feels good though.
It turned out to be a really good day. I used it to 'get my life back together again' - as in: pay my phone bill, spring clean my room, do laundry, etc. It felt sooooooo good... FACT: My job is tiring for me...and I always come home so tired in the evenings - and sometimes I feel like life never lets up, and then I get this feeling my life is falling apart - sometimes I really need a break. :P I would suggest the three-day weekend, once a month, or else the 4.5 day workweek, all month...:D
Sometimes one weekend doesn't seem to be enough time to get rested up. But taking one day of sick leave only in one month is pretty good for me...it means my health is getting a lot better. (!)
The weather is sooo hot...sometimes I don't know if I feel sick or it's just so hot I can't tell. :P
Oh - and I went grocery shopping for the first time in so long, today. I decided that I actually need to have stuff on hand to eat...sometimes I don't mind starving if I don't want to walk out to find something to eat, but I decided I need to eat more. (haha)
So this evening I had dinner at a small shop at the front of my soi. It's a "ran aharn tam sung" - food made to order restaurant, but they do have their own menu and it's pretty creative - they have the typical Thai 'food made to order dishes' like stir fry or omelettes, but with a creative twist: for example, I had tom yum with macaroni tonight...kind of like a Thai chicken-noodle soup. That was the first time I'd had it...it was actually pretty good. Besides fitting what I was in the mood for at the moment, I was pleasantly surprised that macaroni and shrimp tom yum could go together okay. I'm not a huge tom yum fan, like some people...I can eat it, but I'm not crazy about it...but I actually like it better with macaroni in it. :D
When you order 'food made to order' - usually you have three options with meat - chicken, pork, or shrimp (and some places have beef...but not so many, because most Chinese people don't eat beef)...I like shrimp best, then chicken, but not pork...and beef is okay. So tonight I picked shrimp..the funny thing about ordering shrimp is that if you order shrimp, you count how many they give you...you don't do that with chicken or pork. :D I didn't count, but some people do. :D
I was sitting in the restaurant and observing that the TV wasn't on, like usual...but tonight they had a small stereo set, and a CD of American romantic pop music going...which I thought was actually a pretty smart move for the restaurant - everything else was the same - the tile floor, the tables with plastic 'Pepsi' tablecloths, plastic chairs, etc - it is cleaner than most shops on the side of the street, but not spectacular...it has AC, which is cool (haha)...but with the music, rather than the TV going, the whole atmosphere changed. A cheap but effective improvement...the people eating seemed to exude a different aura - more peaceful, and relaxed. I recommend finding good music to turn on at your restaurant, or wherever you would like to create a good atmosphere. FACT: It's much better than kind of blankly staring at the TV over a meal. You focus more on the food and the people around you with good music...:D
So I guess this is pretty much the end of my day.
I'll gather the laundry from outside - whatever is dry...I think some will be; it was so hot today.
One thing that bugs me is that I've been so scatterbrained lately - about the people I want to keep up with, about the random random stuff people have asked me to do here and there, at work ...I can't seem to remember the stuff I need to do. I feel kind of disconnected...I think I'm just tired. The first few months at my new job were so stressful. Seriously. They were hiring other new (young) people my age...and these people had to work to keep themselves busy. I had to work just to stay on top of all I had to do. Just now it is slowing down...but that took a lot out of me. :P When life gets to be too much I guess sometimes you just zone out...
I don't like being forgetful. :P And I want to remember all the people I want to talk to...
Writing all this feels good though.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The beauty of night:
...Quietness, alone with your thoughts
...Every little sound - the distant radio, crickets chirping, a car starting up, keys jingling - floats to you on the still night air - and just a hint of it, not too loud
...Flowers and leaves relaxing themselves, filling the air with sweetness
...Feeling drowsy, mind still awake
The beauty of day:
...Light - no lightbulbs needed
...The fresh feeling of being awake
...A time to 'do' things and accomplish
...Quietness, alone with your thoughts
...Every little sound - the distant radio, crickets chirping, a car starting up, keys jingling - floats to you on the still night air - and just a hint of it, not too loud
...Flowers and leaves relaxing themselves, filling the air with sweetness
...Feeling drowsy, mind still awake
The beauty of day:
...Light - no lightbulbs needed
...The fresh feeling of being awake
...A time to 'do' things and accomplish
I am...
...sweet
...intense
...easily freaked out
...meticulous
...a thinker
...a little too empathetic
...a person who dreams a lot
...somewhat philosophical
...somewhat mystical
I...
...don't like things that are stressful (i.e. adventure/fantasy movies; NEVER horror)
...don't like things that are intense (so I don't read as much as I used to)
...don't like 'sensory overload' - like walking in a mall for too long, where everywhere you look there is stuff tailored to look beautiful and scream for your attention
--> A lot of this just has to do with not putting too much information in my mind, or keeping my mind from getting going too much. It wears me out when that happens.
It's gotten better than it used to be. I actually can actually stay calm enough to enjoy a sermon or a speech now. I just have to guard against getting too 'into' it.
...sweet
...intense
...easily freaked out
...meticulous
...a thinker
...a little too empathetic
...a person who dreams a lot
...somewhat philosophical
...somewhat mystical
I...
...don't like things that are stressful (i.e. adventure/fantasy movies; NEVER horror)
...don't like things that are intense (so I don't read as much as I used to)
...don't like 'sensory overload' - like walking in a mall for too long, where everywhere you look there is stuff tailored to look beautiful and scream for your attention
--> A lot of this just has to do with not putting too much information in my mind, or keeping my mind from getting going too much. It wears me out when that happens.
It's gotten better than it used to be. I actually can actually stay calm enough to enjoy a sermon or a speech now. I just have to guard against getting too 'into' it.
I have spent too much time with my thoughts this weekend. This room in the city is too small and limited...not a good place to relax, revive, and recreate.
Last weekend was more fun...swordfighting with Andy, watching the Cosby show with Amy and Isra, watching an old movie with Ike, playing the piano, helping my mom sweep fallen tree-blossoms to re-fertilize the yard, and then helping clean one of the huge windows at church for the yearly church-cleaning.
I wanted to make a smoothie to eat this evening...but my roommate decided to go to bed very early, and the blender is very loud...if I make it I will wake her up.
I am very tired...so tired. I felt so tired yesterday, then very sick today. I feel better now. I think the weather was too hot...and also, I didn't eat enough the past couple days - not intentionally...just...I have to be more intentional about eating. :D
Last weekend was more fun...swordfighting with Andy, watching the Cosby show with Amy and Isra, watching an old movie with Ike, playing the piano, helping my mom sweep fallen tree-blossoms to re-fertilize the yard, and then helping clean one of the huge windows at church for the yearly church-cleaning.
I wanted to make a smoothie to eat this evening...but my roommate decided to go to bed very early, and the blender is very loud...if I make it I will wake her up.
I am very tired...so tired. I felt so tired yesterday, then very sick today. I feel better now. I think the weather was too hot...and also, I didn't eat enough the past couple days - not intentionally...just...I have to be more intentional about eating. :D
My pet peeves:
1. Cockroaches
2. Complaining
3. Cynicism
4. Babies crying angrily (babies and anger just don't go together!)
5. The sound of metal scraping against metal
6. Loud traffic - cars honking, motorcycles when they get really loud
7. Cats fighting
8. Cigarette smoke
9. Pollution
10. Graphic design that looks chaotic/gives confusing impressions
Things that freak me out:
1. Aging
2. Trying to figure out whether digital counts as a reality
3. When I start to cling too much to material posessions
4. The difficult questions of life
1. Cockroaches
2. Complaining
3. Cynicism
4. Babies crying angrily (babies and anger just don't go together!)
5. The sound of metal scraping against metal
6. Loud traffic - cars honking, motorcycles when they get really loud
7. Cats fighting
8. Cigarette smoke
9. Pollution
10. Graphic design that looks chaotic/gives confusing impressions
Things that freak me out:
1. Aging
2. Trying to figure out whether digital counts as a reality
3. When I start to cling too much to material posessions
4. The difficult questions of life
There is a danger in writing. The danger in writing is that you place an interpretation upon the information or pieces of reality that you write about. Interpretation in itself is not the actual danger...more, that you might start to believe that interpretation.
When I write, my mind seems to take on a mind of its own...I have to be so careful to write only what I really mean - not just something that sounds good, or that my mind manufactured on autopilot.
I have to gain a lot of distance from my old writing before I can take something good from it. The funny thing is that by that time, I feel somewhat disconnected from it - it's hard for me to believe I actually wrote it. And when it gets to that point, my writing starts to re-teach me...what I wrote instructs me. So strange - the relationship between a writer and their writing.
When I write, my mind seems to take on a mind of its own...I have to be so careful to write only what I really mean - not just something that sounds good, or that my mind manufactured on autopilot.
I have to gain a lot of distance from my old writing before I can take something good from it. The funny thing is that by that time, I feel somewhat disconnected from it - it's hard for me to believe I actually wrote it. And when it gets to that point, my writing starts to re-teach me...what I wrote instructs me. So strange - the relationship between a writer and their writing.
So I've made a return! A return...like the third book of a trilogy..."Return of the King," "Return of the Jedi," "Return of Anne to her blog that was abandoned for approximately 6 months"...
Lol. I read an article online earlier that reminded me of an old blog post...so I came to read it and got wrapped up reading a bunch of other posts.
It's funny to read stuff from a long time ago (in this case, only half a year - but it feels like ages; life has changed a lot). And it's funny to realize that I wasn't thinking completely illogically, even during the hardest times. These posts actually make sense (no matter how bad I was feeling at the time...because I abandoned this blog once because it was getting too depressive...I was very alone at the time).
I think I will take up this blog again - it's the most 'stable' one (most posts written with me being most like the real me), the one I've been the most consistent with.
Maybe I should take the other blog posts from the other blogs...
http://ciao2.livejournal.com
http://mistyglass.wordpress.com
...and add them to this one. Those were pretty random blogs though.
Anyhow, it does feel good to write again. Maybe someday I will assemble all of this into a very random, stream-of-conscious book about the essence of life and what is worth living for.
Lol. I read an article online earlier that reminded me of an old blog post...so I came to read it and got wrapped up reading a bunch of other posts.
It's funny to read stuff from a long time ago (in this case, only half a year - but it feels like ages; life has changed a lot). And it's funny to realize that I wasn't thinking completely illogically, even during the hardest times. These posts actually make sense (no matter how bad I was feeling at the time...because I abandoned this blog once because it was getting too depressive...I was very alone at the time).
I think I will take up this blog again - it's the most 'stable' one (most posts written with me being most like the real me), the one I've been the most consistent with.
Maybe I should take the other blog posts from the other blogs...
http://ciao2.livejournal.com
http://mistyglass.wordpress.com
...and add them to this one. Those were pretty random blogs though.
Anyhow, it does feel good to write again. Maybe someday I will assemble all of this into a very random, stream-of-conscious book about the essence of life and what is worth living for.
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