I find it amusing that I come here and blog what - thousands of words? And earlier this evening I was totally tongue-tied at the hairdresser's...where I was getting my hair done. Sometimes I can't think of anything to say. :P The questions I can think of are too serious...and deep reflections are out of place. :D Thankfully I know people I can talk with...laugh with...even talk on and on with...:)
It's the peaceful time of night again, right before bed...when people are preparing to turn in. I like this time. The world feels the most peaceful then. Other times, there's a lot of noise and the air feels more chaotic...I like stillness. I feel more at peace then.
Funny...I have a hard time stopping with the posts. But I guess I have to go get my laundry. Get to bed. Fall asleep in my nice 75% cleaned-up room....:) And go to work again tomorrow.
On work days...I get so worn out. I can't think of anything to post after work, very much.
Monday, March 30, 2009
I get a lot of hunches, and they often turn out to be true. I need to learn to believe my hunches more.
So I started reading a really interesting book today called "The Spiritual Brain" by Mario Beauregard, Ph.D., and Denyse O'Leary. It's one of those books I saw at the bookstore and was interested in, then later actually bought...(!) It's funny; I put it on my Facebook list of books I wanted to read in the books application, but I didn't think I'd actually get it - it was like 850 baht at the bookstore here, but when my mom got us books from Amazon for Christmas I requested this one (it was $10 there, which is like 350 baht, only :D).
Anyhow. I didn't read it until now. I guess I have to be in a pretty relaxed mood to enjoy a book...nowadays...I don't know what's changed; I used to read so much - now...maybe life is just so stressful.
Anyhow - this is a book right down my line...scientific, but not too scientific - in that the authors are not 'materialists' - they don't believe that science is limited to the material. (Seriously - materialism, in the scientific sense...I don't understand - how can people still believe that? What about the string theory in physics, which is supposed to imply myriad dimensions? It makes me wonder...maybe sometimes people just want to stick to dust! And it's scary when they do...like - the idea of making a human-ape hybrid? I can't put into words how insane this is...that came up in the book I was reading - but not because the authors supported the idea - it was referenced and evaluated.)
Also it addresses the mystical. I love the idea that science and the mystical can coexist - and not mutually exclude each other or make the other less in some way...(just like predestination and free will? :o)) I love the 'both' answers...
Anyhow. This is the third paragraph that begins with 'anyhow.' Um.
Okay: I wanted to quote the book: "The brain, however, is not the mind; it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe." (intro, pp. xi) Wow - "...it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe..." I had never thought about it that way. I think that is so well put, and I love that thought. And I take it one step further - to think that God created an organ suitable for connecting a mind (the mind is not the brain!) to the rest of the universe...and that He gave us, each one of us a mind - just, wow.
I think that in thought, being reasonable is a huge thing. Of course, you say. That's so obvious it sounds ridiculous. Haha...I think some people use reason in their thought, but they are not reasonable, or open to reasoning. Think about it... :D
This reminds me of the beauty of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool. If you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken." To imagine - to reason together is a beautiful thing - how much more so that the Lord calls us to reason with Him!
Anyhow. I never read for that long nowadays...somehow one or two significant thoughts is already a lot to chew on. I need to start finishing books again...not just reading the first chapter and going, "Wow...what an amazing book!!" And then never picking it up again. :D :D
I really need to eat more. I think I've gotten used to being hungry...I'm not intentionally starving myself. It's just - sometimes I sit down to eat and then I'm shocked at how hungry I am and how I seem to be able to keep eating. There's just so many foods that are bad for you...there are so many things I had to quit eating because they made me feel sick, when my health just deteriorated a couple years ago - so I am so careful now...but it's frustrating - to walk in the grocery store and look at labels and realize that sugar is the second greatest ingredient in most everything...:P Anyhow - it makes food taste really good...when you find something good that you can eat without feeling sick! :D
Anyhow. I will now end this 'anyhow' post.
So I started reading a really interesting book today called "The Spiritual Brain" by Mario Beauregard, Ph.D., and Denyse O'Leary. It's one of those books I saw at the bookstore and was interested in, then later actually bought...(!) It's funny; I put it on my Facebook list of books I wanted to read in the books application, but I didn't think I'd actually get it - it was like 850 baht at the bookstore here, but when my mom got us books from Amazon for Christmas I requested this one (it was $10 there, which is like 350 baht, only :D).
Anyhow. I didn't read it until now. I guess I have to be in a pretty relaxed mood to enjoy a book...nowadays...I don't know what's changed; I used to read so much - now...maybe life is just so stressful.
Anyhow - this is a book right down my line...scientific, but not too scientific - in that the authors are not 'materialists' - they don't believe that science is limited to the material. (Seriously - materialism, in the scientific sense...I don't understand - how can people still believe that? What about the string theory in physics, which is supposed to imply myriad dimensions? It makes me wonder...maybe sometimes people just want to stick to dust! And it's scary when they do...like - the idea of making a human-ape hybrid? I can't put into words how insane this is...that came up in the book I was reading - but not because the authors supported the idea - it was referenced and evaluated.)
Also it addresses the mystical. I love the idea that science and the mystical can coexist - and not mutually exclude each other or make the other less in some way...(just like predestination and free will? :o)) I love the 'both' answers...
Anyhow. This is the third paragraph that begins with 'anyhow.' Um.
Okay: I wanted to quote the book: "The brain, however, is not the mind; it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe." (intro, pp. xi) Wow - "...it is an organ suitable for connecting a mind to the rest of the universe..." I had never thought about it that way. I think that is so well put, and I love that thought. And I take it one step further - to think that God created an organ suitable for connecting a mind (the mind is not the brain!) to the rest of the universe...and that He gave us, each one of us a mind - just, wow.
I think that in thought, being reasonable is a huge thing. Of course, you say. That's so obvious it sounds ridiculous. Haha...I think some people use reason in their thought, but they are not reasonable, or open to reasoning. Think about it... :D
This reminds me of the beauty of Isaiah 1:18: "Come now, and let us reason together," Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool. If you consent and obey, you will eat the best of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword." Truly, the mouth of the LORD has spoken." To imagine - to reason together is a beautiful thing - how much more so that the Lord calls us to reason with Him!
Anyhow. I never read for that long nowadays...somehow one or two significant thoughts is already a lot to chew on. I need to start finishing books again...not just reading the first chapter and going, "Wow...what an amazing book!!" And then never picking it up again. :D :D
I really need to eat more. I think I've gotten used to being hungry...I'm not intentionally starving myself. It's just - sometimes I sit down to eat and then I'm shocked at how hungry I am and how I seem to be able to keep eating. There's just so many foods that are bad for you...there are so many things I had to quit eating because they made me feel sick, when my health just deteriorated a couple years ago - so I am so careful now...but it's frustrating - to walk in the grocery store and look at labels and realize that sugar is the second greatest ingredient in most everything...:P Anyhow - it makes food taste really good...when you find something good that you can eat without feeling sick! :D
Anyhow. I will now end this 'anyhow' post.
So I took the day off from work today. March is an extra long month (31 days) and for my office it doesn't have any holidays. I felt sick this weekend and I didn't get anything done and I woke up still feeling sick...:| I had planned to work half a day but my coworker said today there wouldn't be a lot of work and suggested I take the whole day off. I decided I would try and get rested up fully.
It turned out to be a really good day. I used it to 'get my life back together again' - as in: pay my phone bill, spring clean my room, do laundry, etc. It felt sooooooo good... FACT: My job is tiring for me...and I always come home so tired in the evenings - and sometimes I feel like life never lets up, and then I get this feeling my life is falling apart - sometimes I really need a break. :P I would suggest the three-day weekend, once a month, or else the 4.5 day workweek, all month...:D
Sometimes one weekend doesn't seem to be enough time to get rested up. But taking one day of sick leave only in one month is pretty good for me...it means my health is getting a lot better. (!)
The weather is sooo hot...sometimes I don't know if I feel sick or it's just so hot I can't tell. :P
Oh - and I went grocery shopping for the first time in so long, today. I decided that I actually need to have stuff on hand to eat...sometimes I don't mind starving if I don't want to walk out to find something to eat, but I decided I need to eat more. (haha)
So this evening I had dinner at a small shop at the front of my soi. It's a "ran aharn tam sung" - food made to order restaurant, but they do have their own menu and it's pretty creative - they have the typical Thai 'food made to order dishes' like stir fry or omelettes, but with a creative twist: for example, I had tom yum with macaroni tonight...kind of like a Thai chicken-noodle soup. That was the first time I'd had it...it was actually pretty good. Besides fitting what I was in the mood for at the moment, I was pleasantly surprised that macaroni and shrimp tom yum could go together okay. I'm not a huge tom yum fan, like some people...I can eat it, but I'm not crazy about it...but I actually like it better with macaroni in it. :D
When you order 'food made to order' - usually you have three options with meat - chicken, pork, or shrimp (and some places have beef...but not so many, because most Chinese people don't eat beef)...I like shrimp best, then chicken, but not pork...and beef is okay. So tonight I picked shrimp..the funny thing about ordering shrimp is that if you order shrimp, you count how many they give you...you don't do that with chicken or pork. :D I didn't count, but some people do. :D
I was sitting in the restaurant and observing that the TV wasn't on, like usual...but tonight they had a small stereo set, and a CD of American romantic pop music going...which I thought was actually a pretty smart move for the restaurant - everything else was the same - the tile floor, the tables with plastic 'Pepsi' tablecloths, plastic chairs, etc - it is cleaner than most shops on the side of the street, but not spectacular...it has AC, which is cool (haha)...but with the music, rather than the TV going, the whole atmosphere changed. A cheap but effective improvement...the people eating seemed to exude a different aura - more peaceful, and relaxed. I recommend finding good music to turn on at your restaurant, or wherever you would like to create a good atmosphere. FACT: It's much better than kind of blankly staring at the TV over a meal. You focus more on the food and the people around you with good music...:D
So I guess this is pretty much the end of my day.
I'll gather the laundry from outside - whatever is dry...I think some will be; it was so hot today.
One thing that bugs me is that I've been so scatterbrained lately - about the people I want to keep up with, about the random random stuff people have asked me to do here and there, at work ...I can't seem to remember the stuff I need to do. I feel kind of disconnected...I think I'm just tired. The first few months at my new job were so stressful. Seriously. They were hiring other new (young) people my age...and these people had to work to keep themselves busy. I had to work just to stay on top of all I had to do. Just now it is slowing down...but that took a lot out of me. :P When life gets to be too much I guess sometimes you just zone out...
I don't like being forgetful. :P And I want to remember all the people I want to talk to...
Writing all this feels good though.
It turned out to be a really good day. I used it to 'get my life back together again' - as in: pay my phone bill, spring clean my room, do laundry, etc. It felt sooooooo good... FACT: My job is tiring for me...and I always come home so tired in the evenings - and sometimes I feel like life never lets up, and then I get this feeling my life is falling apart - sometimes I really need a break. :P I would suggest the three-day weekend, once a month, or else the 4.5 day workweek, all month...:D
Sometimes one weekend doesn't seem to be enough time to get rested up. But taking one day of sick leave only in one month is pretty good for me...it means my health is getting a lot better. (!)
The weather is sooo hot...sometimes I don't know if I feel sick or it's just so hot I can't tell. :P
Oh - and I went grocery shopping for the first time in so long, today. I decided that I actually need to have stuff on hand to eat...sometimes I don't mind starving if I don't want to walk out to find something to eat, but I decided I need to eat more. (haha)
So this evening I had dinner at a small shop at the front of my soi. It's a "ran aharn tam sung" - food made to order restaurant, but they do have their own menu and it's pretty creative - they have the typical Thai 'food made to order dishes' like stir fry or omelettes, but with a creative twist: for example, I had tom yum with macaroni tonight...kind of like a Thai chicken-noodle soup. That was the first time I'd had it...it was actually pretty good. Besides fitting what I was in the mood for at the moment, I was pleasantly surprised that macaroni and shrimp tom yum could go together okay. I'm not a huge tom yum fan, like some people...I can eat it, but I'm not crazy about it...but I actually like it better with macaroni in it. :D
When you order 'food made to order' - usually you have three options with meat - chicken, pork, or shrimp (and some places have beef...but not so many, because most Chinese people don't eat beef)...I like shrimp best, then chicken, but not pork...and beef is okay. So tonight I picked shrimp..the funny thing about ordering shrimp is that if you order shrimp, you count how many they give you...you don't do that with chicken or pork. :D I didn't count, but some people do. :D
I was sitting in the restaurant and observing that the TV wasn't on, like usual...but tonight they had a small stereo set, and a CD of American romantic pop music going...which I thought was actually a pretty smart move for the restaurant - everything else was the same - the tile floor, the tables with plastic 'Pepsi' tablecloths, plastic chairs, etc - it is cleaner than most shops on the side of the street, but not spectacular...it has AC, which is cool (haha)...but with the music, rather than the TV going, the whole atmosphere changed. A cheap but effective improvement...the people eating seemed to exude a different aura - more peaceful, and relaxed. I recommend finding good music to turn on at your restaurant, or wherever you would like to create a good atmosphere. FACT: It's much better than kind of blankly staring at the TV over a meal. You focus more on the food and the people around you with good music...:D
So I guess this is pretty much the end of my day.
I'll gather the laundry from outside - whatever is dry...I think some will be; it was so hot today.
One thing that bugs me is that I've been so scatterbrained lately - about the people I want to keep up with, about the random random stuff people have asked me to do here and there, at work ...I can't seem to remember the stuff I need to do. I feel kind of disconnected...I think I'm just tired. The first few months at my new job were so stressful. Seriously. They were hiring other new (young) people my age...and these people had to work to keep themselves busy. I had to work just to stay on top of all I had to do. Just now it is slowing down...but that took a lot out of me. :P When life gets to be too much I guess sometimes you just zone out...
I don't like being forgetful. :P And I want to remember all the people I want to talk to...
Writing all this feels good though.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The beauty of night:
...Quietness, alone with your thoughts
...Every little sound - the distant radio, crickets chirping, a car starting up, keys jingling - floats to you on the still night air - and just a hint of it, not too loud
...Flowers and leaves relaxing themselves, filling the air with sweetness
...Feeling drowsy, mind still awake
The beauty of day:
...Light - no lightbulbs needed
...The fresh feeling of being awake
...A time to 'do' things and accomplish
...Quietness, alone with your thoughts
...Every little sound - the distant radio, crickets chirping, a car starting up, keys jingling - floats to you on the still night air - and just a hint of it, not too loud
...Flowers and leaves relaxing themselves, filling the air with sweetness
...Feeling drowsy, mind still awake
The beauty of day:
...Light - no lightbulbs needed
...The fresh feeling of being awake
...A time to 'do' things and accomplish
I am...
...sweet
...intense
...easily freaked out
...meticulous
...a thinker
...a little too empathetic
...a person who dreams a lot
...somewhat philosophical
...somewhat mystical
I...
...don't like things that are stressful (i.e. adventure/fantasy movies; NEVER horror)
...don't like things that are intense (so I don't read as much as I used to)
...don't like 'sensory overload' - like walking in a mall for too long, where everywhere you look there is stuff tailored to look beautiful and scream for your attention
--> A lot of this just has to do with not putting too much information in my mind, or keeping my mind from getting going too much. It wears me out when that happens.
It's gotten better than it used to be. I actually can actually stay calm enough to enjoy a sermon or a speech now. I just have to guard against getting too 'into' it.
...sweet
...intense
...easily freaked out
...meticulous
...a thinker
...a little too empathetic
...a person who dreams a lot
...somewhat philosophical
...somewhat mystical
I...
...don't like things that are stressful (i.e. adventure/fantasy movies; NEVER horror)
...don't like things that are intense (so I don't read as much as I used to)
...don't like 'sensory overload' - like walking in a mall for too long, where everywhere you look there is stuff tailored to look beautiful and scream for your attention
--> A lot of this just has to do with not putting too much information in my mind, or keeping my mind from getting going too much. It wears me out when that happens.
It's gotten better than it used to be. I actually can actually stay calm enough to enjoy a sermon or a speech now. I just have to guard against getting too 'into' it.
I have spent too much time with my thoughts this weekend. This room in the city is too small and limited...not a good place to relax, revive, and recreate.
Last weekend was more fun...swordfighting with Andy, watching the Cosby show with Amy and Isra, watching an old movie with Ike, playing the piano, helping my mom sweep fallen tree-blossoms to re-fertilize the yard, and then helping clean one of the huge windows at church for the yearly church-cleaning.
I wanted to make a smoothie to eat this evening...but my roommate decided to go to bed very early, and the blender is very loud...if I make it I will wake her up.
I am very tired...so tired. I felt so tired yesterday, then very sick today. I feel better now. I think the weather was too hot...and also, I didn't eat enough the past couple days - not intentionally...just...I have to be more intentional about eating. :D
Last weekend was more fun...swordfighting with Andy, watching the Cosby show with Amy and Isra, watching an old movie with Ike, playing the piano, helping my mom sweep fallen tree-blossoms to re-fertilize the yard, and then helping clean one of the huge windows at church for the yearly church-cleaning.
I wanted to make a smoothie to eat this evening...but my roommate decided to go to bed very early, and the blender is very loud...if I make it I will wake her up.
I am very tired...so tired. I felt so tired yesterday, then very sick today. I feel better now. I think the weather was too hot...and also, I didn't eat enough the past couple days - not intentionally...just...I have to be more intentional about eating. :D
My pet peeves:
1. Cockroaches
2. Complaining
3. Cynicism
4. Babies crying angrily (babies and anger just don't go together!)
5. The sound of metal scraping against metal
6. Loud traffic - cars honking, motorcycles when they get really loud
7. Cats fighting
8. Cigarette smoke
9. Pollution
10. Graphic design that looks chaotic/gives confusing impressions
Things that freak me out:
1. Aging
2. Trying to figure out whether digital counts as a reality
3. When I start to cling too much to material posessions
4. The difficult questions of life
1. Cockroaches
2. Complaining
3. Cynicism
4. Babies crying angrily (babies and anger just don't go together!)
5. The sound of metal scraping against metal
6. Loud traffic - cars honking, motorcycles when they get really loud
7. Cats fighting
8. Cigarette smoke
9. Pollution
10. Graphic design that looks chaotic/gives confusing impressions
Things that freak me out:
1. Aging
2. Trying to figure out whether digital counts as a reality
3. When I start to cling too much to material posessions
4. The difficult questions of life
There is a danger in writing. The danger in writing is that you place an interpretation upon the information or pieces of reality that you write about. Interpretation in itself is not the actual danger...more, that you might start to believe that interpretation.
When I write, my mind seems to take on a mind of its own...I have to be so careful to write only what I really mean - not just something that sounds good, or that my mind manufactured on autopilot.
I have to gain a lot of distance from my old writing before I can take something good from it. The funny thing is that by that time, I feel somewhat disconnected from it - it's hard for me to believe I actually wrote it. And when it gets to that point, my writing starts to re-teach me...what I wrote instructs me. So strange - the relationship between a writer and their writing.
When I write, my mind seems to take on a mind of its own...I have to be so careful to write only what I really mean - not just something that sounds good, or that my mind manufactured on autopilot.
I have to gain a lot of distance from my old writing before I can take something good from it. The funny thing is that by that time, I feel somewhat disconnected from it - it's hard for me to believe I actually wrote it. And when it gets to that point, my writing starts to re-teach me...what I wrote instructs me. So strange - the relationship between a writer and their writing.
So I've made a return! A return...like the third book of a trilogy..."Return of the King," "Return of the Jedi," "Return of Anne to her blog that was abandoned for approximately 6 months"...
Lol. I read an article online earlier that reminded me of an old blog post...so I came to read it and got wrapped up reading a bunch of other posts.
It's funny to read stuff from a long time ago (in this case, only half a year - but it feels like ages; life has changed a lot). And it's funny to realize that I wasn't thinking completely illogically, even during the hardest times. These posts actually make sense (no matter how bad I was feeling at the time...because I abandoned this blog once because it was getting too depressive...I was very alone at the time).
I think I will take up this blog again - it's the most 'stable' one (most posts written with me being most like the real me), the one I've been the most consistent with.
Maybe I should take the other blog posts from the other blogs...
http://ciao2.livejournal.com
http://mistyglass.wordpress.com
...and add them to this one. Those were pretty random blogs though.
Anyhow, it does feel good to write again. Maybe someday I will assemble all of this into a very random, stream-of-conscious book about the essence of life and what is worth living for.
Lol. I read an article online earlier that reminded me of an old blog post...so I came to read it and got wrapped up reading a bunch of other posts.
It's funny to read stuff from a long time ago (in this case, only half a year - but it feels like ages; life has changed a lot). And it's funny to realize that I wasn't thinking completely illogically, even during the hardest times. These posts actually make sense (no matter how bad I was feeling at the time...because I abandoned this blog once because it was getting too depressive...I was very alone at the time).
I think I will take up this blog again - it's the most 'stable' one (most posts written with me being most like the real me), the one I've been the most consistent with.
Maybe I should take the other blog posts from the other blogs...
http://ciao2.livejournal.com
http://mistyglass.wordpress.com
...and add them to this one. Those were pretty random blogs though.
Anyhow, it does feel good to write again. Maybe someday I will assemble all of this into a very random, stream-of-conscious book about the essence of life and what is worth living for.
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